Funny Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes

Funny Retirement Wishes : Retirement is a period of life when people get much time to relax, enjoy and doing whatever they could. Most people spend their whole lives planning their expected retirement and when it comes they need appreciation from near and dear ones as the fun time start. If you have anyone to greet with witty and silliest retirement wishes to add some extra happiness then let these funny retirement wishes and humorous retirement wishes messages to infuse some funny feelings right now. Whatever he/she is your colleague, boss, friend, parent, grandparent or any close neighbor these funny retirement quotes and messages will make them cheerful and bring a cute smile on their face. Enjoy reading these funny retirement wishes and messages to make your greetings funny and wish your desired one a happy retirement.

Funny Retirement Wishes

Happy retirement to you. I wish to advice you not to try and cram too many activities into a short span of time. You have no deadlines to beat, no bosses to impress and no customers to satisfy so take your time and just relax.

Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.

Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

What I wish for you as you retire is good health. May you be heart attack free as you grow fat just lazing around. Have a good retirement.

Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.

Happy retirement. You should have retired when you were still young because then you had the strength to do much more. Now all you will be doing is sleeping, eating and walking the dog if you have one. No more strength for any meaningful work.

No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditation’s you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.

May you enjoy your real retirement years just the way you enjoyed your retirement from the day you began working here. You have mastered the art of retirement and I can assure you that it looks good on you. Happy retirement.

Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all for all the years that you were working you took things easy. Why should you change now?

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

You are long past your due date and it is time for you to join the junk yard of retirees. Don’t worry, every once in a while someone finds treasure in a junk yard and who knows, it may just be you. Have a happy retirement.

After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.

Funny Retirement Messages

Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sunday? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.

Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.

It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.

Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

If you truly want to know if you will be missed when you retire try telling people that the retirement has been postponed and you will be coming back to work. I bet you can hear a pin drop. Yap! Now you know. Have a happy retirement.

If we could all have the same attitude you’ve had these last days before retirement, we’d all be a lot less stressed at work. Nothing would get done around here either, but that’s not the point.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grand-kids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

You can be sure that your immediate junior only pretends that they will miss you when you retire. Do not be fooled by that sad face. This person is so busy counting the minutes until they can take over your office space that they wish you had even left earlier. Enjoy your retirement anyway.

You always cursed your body when you were ill which made you miss an important deadline at work. Retirement is when you will finally curse yourself for using an important deadline at work as an excuse for not taking care of your body all these years.

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

Your computer screensaver is a scene from Green Acres – so you can daydream about that farm you always wanted. Make best use of it, have a happy retirement.

Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

Funny Retirement Quotes

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. – Gail Sheehy

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. – Jonathan Clements

Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them. – Emily Claire Tamblyn

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. – R C Sherriff

Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money. – Author Unknown

People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price. – George Burns

The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode. – A. Major

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. – Gene Perret

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock. – Dave Allen

When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you. – Gene Perret

A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as it’s recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service. – Harry Mahtar

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. – Branch Rickey

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples. – George Burns

Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too. – Bill Vaughan

I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps. – Harry Emerson Fosdick

I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron. – Hartman Jule

Sending funny retirement quotes and messages to the retired person could add some extra fun on their happy moment of retired life. Try these funny messages and quotes to wish a happy retirement whom you like either you may send these messages with a card.