80+ Funny Valentine Messages, Wishes and Quotes

Funny Valentine Messages: It doesn’t matter if you are single or not, you should never miss the fun and humor of a valentine’s day. Not every Valentine’s Day wish needs to be romantic; sometimes you can make them funny and humorous too, especially, when it’s about your single friend. You can try making your Valentine’s Day wishes funny with some witty words just like our collection of funny Valentine’s Day wishes here. When you’re single friends see these messages, no matter how sad they may be for not having a partner, their heart will instantly rejoice to recognize the sublime humor of yours. So, why getting stuck in the same old romantic valentine wishes! Try something new; try something funny, just like these funny Valentine wishes here!

Funny Valentine Day Messages

I was just wondering if we could deny being boyfriend and girlfriend for a day. Tomorrow, let’s be just a friend to each other. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

You don’t need a valentine to spend time with on valentine’s day, just like you don’t need HIV on AIDS day.

Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

I love going out with you on any day except Valentine’s Day. The rapid demise of my pocket money burns my soul so badly. Happy Valentine Day!

May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

Let’s pretend for one day that we love each other more than anything else. We can avoid each other for the rest of 364 days!

Whoever said Valentine’s day is only for lovers? I love you my best friend! Happy Valentine’s day.

I am not saying that I care about money more than I do about you. But it’s my father’s advice to spend my money on good purposes only! Happy Valentine’s Day!

You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain dead because of your love!

Funny Valentines Day Card Messages

I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!

You don’t always have to arrange candlelight dinners for me on valentine’s day; it’s absolutely ok to buy me some jewelry sometimes!

I love the way people ask me about my plans on valentine’s as if they don’t know I’m single.

I don’t always celebrate valentine’s day, but I make sure I have a fake smile on my face when I do.

Brace yourself for the valentine meme’s on Facebook. They don’t seem funny at all when you’re single.

I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

On this valentine’s day, if you don’t have anyone, don’t be sad. Just know that you’re not the only one.

Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend. Let’s spend this Valentine’s Day high on drugs and drunk as a lord!

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

Do you know the very famous quote saint valentines said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free’’!

Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!

Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some times but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

I don’t mind being a security guard while you’re dating as long as you’re paying for me being drunk & grabbing some hookers from the club.

It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear friend, wishing you a happy valentine’s day. I hope you will enjoy yourself with your girlfriend since she won’t leave you to accompany your friends for a night out party.

Funny Valentine Messages For Him

Darling, I think we will have a great time together today. Just don’t forget to spend some time on dental cleaning. Happy valentine’s day!

A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

You are just as much weird as me. That makes us a perfect couple. Happy valentine’s day to my crazy one!

The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

Buy me chocolates and flowers today, or tonight you dine alone. The choice is yours, darling. Happy valentine’s day to you with love!

Funny Valentine Day Messages for Friends

Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!

I love you like a lazy guy loves his bed in the morning. I want you like a monkey wants a banana and I crave for you as a fat boy craves for chocolates.

If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guaranty you that!

When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

Funny Valentine Messages For Her

I don’t need a lot of candies this valentine’s day because I’m on a diet. You can buy me diamonds instead!

I just found out that I have fallen in love more deeply than I had originally planned. You can take this as a valentine’s day confession from me!

Happy valentine’s day my love. Can you help me find the cheapest dinner plan for the two of us tonight? I’ll be forever grateful to you for that!

What if I told you that you cleaning up all the dishes seduces me more than you whining about a candlelight dinner on valentine’s day?

Before our relation, you told me you ain’t got time for valentine’s day. Well, I’ve just realized that you lied about that. Happy valentine’s day anyway!

If my wealth grew as much as my love for you, today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

I wish I could strip your clothes off tonight like the way you strip a bar of wrapped chocolate. I really wish I was with you tonight. Happy valentine’s day sweetheart!

Funny Valentine Wishes for Singles

You may not have someone to love but at least your pocket is safe & secure. Enjoy your life man! I’ve started to envy you already!

Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!

Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How it feels like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!

If you remain single for the next 2 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!

Funny Valentines Day Texts

What present will you give for your right hand during Valentine’s Day?

Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

Roses are red, fitness is great, I would’ve gotten you chocolate, but you need to lose some weight.

Every man would agree that 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not sexually conservative way.

My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

Funny Valentines Day Texts

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those 3 special words… Let’s get naked!

Funny Valentines Day Quotes

“If my Valentine you won’t be, I’ll hang myself on your Christmas tree.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” – Unknown

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans

“It’s called Valentine’s Day, you moron. If you’re going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.” – Abbi Glines

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

Funny Valentine Quotes

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” – Lewis Black

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“The Eskimos have fifty two words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love.” – Margaret Atwood

“True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H. L. Mencken

Valentine’s day is all about putting a smile on someone’s face. And when it comes to spreading fun and laughter, funny valentine’s messages can be your magic trick. Send some hilarious and funny valentine’s day wishes to your lover, friends and coworkers to make them laugh. Funny Valentine’s day wishes are the best wishes that you can use to cheer up your single friends with a little but sublime touch of humor and fun. They’ll smile and they’ll laugh like never before! If you were searching for some funny things to write in a valentine’s day wish, you are on the right page. We have here a compilation of funny valentine’s day messages and wishes for your loved ones. Type and send them to their phone as a valentine’s day text message to cheer them up. You can also use these messages as valentine’s day card messages or valentine’s day quotes for lovers and friends! You may share these funny valentine messages on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any other social media you like!